Helping children grow into the Image of God in the loving
manner of our Heavenly Father.
- For I was my father's son, tender
and only beloved in the sight of my mother. {4}
He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my
words: keep my commandments, and live.
- Proverbs 4:3-4
I define the boundaries before they are enforced. I
establish reasonable expectations and boundaries in advance. The
children God has entrusted to me know what is and what is not
acceptable behavior before they are held responsible for those
rules. The rules I give children are appropriate parallels of the
rules given to me by my Heavenly Father in His Word. In this way I
avoid the overwhelming sense of injustice that youngsters feel when
they are punished for their accidents, mistakes and blunders. If I
haven't defined it - I don't enforce it!
I distinguish between willful defiance and childish
irresponsibility.
When defiantly challenged, I respond with confident
decisiveness. Once children understand what is expected, I
hold them accountable for behaving accordingly. As a son of the
rebellious First Adam, I know that in a moment of rebellion, small
children will consider my wishes and defiantly choose to disobey.
Like a military general before a battle, they will calculate the
potential risk, marshal their forces and attack the enemy with guns
blazing. When those nose-to-nose confrontations occur between
generations, I know it is extremely important to win decisively and
confidently. The children have made it clear that they're looking
for a fight, and I will not disappoint them!
I reassure and teach after the confrontation is over. After
a time of conflict, during which I have demonstrated my authority to
lead, youngsters between 2 and 7 (or older) may want to be loved and
reassured. I open my arms and let them come! Hold them close and
tell them of my love, just as my Heavenly Father assures me of His
Love. I rock them gently and let them know, again, why they were
punished and how they can avoid the trouble next time. This moment
of communication builds love, fidelity and unity.
I avoid impossible demands. I attempt to be
absolutely sure that my children are capable of delivering what I
require. I never punish them for wetting the bed involuntarily, for
not becoming potty-trained by 18 months of age, or for doing poorly
in school when they are incapable of greater academic success. These
impossible demands put children in an unresolvable conflict: There
is no way out. That condition brings inevitable damage to the human
emotional apparatus.
I let love be my guide! A relationship that is
characterized by genuine love and affection is likely to be a
healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors are
inevitable.
[The above was taken from the September 1995 issue of
"Focus On The Family Magazine", with Dr. James C.
Dobson. This magazine is free. And you can order it from:
Focus on the Family
P.O. Box 35500
Colorado Springs, Co. 80935-3550
And we know that all things work together for good to those
who love God, to those who are the called according to His
purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be
conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn
among many brethren.
-- Romans 8:28-29
I have remembered Thy Name, O LORD, in the night, and have
kept Thy Law.
-- Psalm 119:55
This isn't that New Age
"Positive Thinking" stuff, is it??
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